A delayed post from October 2019

Stuff I am proud of being able to do, that is important to me but I didn't know they was (important to me that is :) )

• Being able to learn the arabic language of the Quran. Knowing what simple words like Allah or Asr or Istaghfar meant in a more deeper way 
• Being able to develop a warm and no-sky-high-expectation circle of friends around our entire family. 
• Re-learn swimming 
• Try baking, try recipes at a whole next level i.e. Mocha lava cake, Italian chicken & pumpkin roast, Cream

Botanic Bliss

Two months later, I am away from the madness of my beloved hometown (Karachi) and roaming around the scenic landscape of a Botanic Garden in Auckland. I see acres of green grass sprinkled with the most basic and exotic trees, streams running across meadows and the plants laden with real fruit. The rose bushes with their flowers in cream and every hue of pink remind me of so much of the stories in the classic Jane Austin and Judith Mcnaught books that I read and re-read in my school days. The kids were as excited as I am surprisingly, the beauty of mother nature inspiring their minds and take them away from those blasted screens.We saw veggies, rainbow spinach, turnips peeking from the ground, carrot tops and eggplants. I am quite sure somebody's been picking the ripe ones, cuz I couldn't spot a single ripe veg, and there were quite a few plants there!

Parenting Delimma

My eldest went inside the school gate without saying khuda hafiz (good-bye)... how's that for a reality check on kids growing up :( and to top it off, she didn't turn around to give a fleeting look even, or a causal wave or stop a second short in her steps.
Maybe it's got to do with the fact that I was lecturing her in the car for a spelling test she did not prepare for last night despite my reminders. Oh well, I will just have to end the lectures with a smile or a hug for the lasting effect from no onward, better late than never.

Existence...

Why do I exist? What is my purpose in the universe? Why am I here? What am I doing?
These thoughts have been flowing through my mind for a long time now... I've been shushing them, shooing them away, answering then discarding these very answers. But now these thoughts have become louder and louder, over-coming other thoughts, and I ask myself is what you are doing really keeping you happy?

Don't get me wrong, I'm accomplished, educated, have a beautiful family, parents, job, all  meeting society standards alhamdolillah perhaps exceeding them. I cant thank God enough for what He has blessed me with. However, there are times when I feel I want to do more, make a difference to lives of my inner circle - children, spouse, parents, friends. Still more, I want to give back to the society, educate & inspire. By God, I want to do much more.

Doing more requires time & energy, and how do I make time, how do I generate that energy? How do I break away from the consuming shackles of work at office and at house-hold? I feel I'm in a high speed race, where I'm expected to run and run, to perform and perform all the time. Without a miss, without a moment of doubt, of fear, of weakness, of mis-judgement, and I feel that people around you hold you to it. And then you have to explain and explain, why does one have to explain so much? To break away from the shackles, requires too much explaining again, to much re-organization, for which I would need to muster up energy. Which may impact the peaceful lives of my children & family. Do I dare? Do I dare to break away, to dream, to realize that dream? 

I'm losing my spirit, I know, I can sense. I think I'll be running this rat race for years...

~n|dz

Solo Flight :)

Monday morning I logged into my system & found my inbox full of emails (read unfixed issues). Scene is that orders did not get loaded into our local in-house V.M.I (Vendor Managed Inventory) system on Saturday. Problem nature serious cuz no order means no money & that is any company's worst nightmare.

Thing is i have just taken over the responsibilities of a colleague to support this application due to a business project, & well it gives me great pleasure to declare that I rolled up my sleeves, & got into the application code with a jack n spanner & TA-DA resolved the problem all by ma self :) File format problems was root cause & narrowing it to that was no easy job! But I did it & w/o any help!
Ahhhh, the satisfaction of using one's own intelligence :) to fix critical problems

Work-A-Holicism

Oh, the futility of working your butt off. The uselessness of working too much and the dangers of playing too little.
Does it really pay off... in the LONG run? Look beyond the close.You end up being glued to your seat. Not 'mingling' with work colleagues. You end up not knowing the office jokes that are almost always referred to in meetings-that-matter.You end up losing focus on what u always wanted to do & instead concentrate on whats urgent, like replying to 'urgent' emails & phone calls. Doing extra work that goes unnoticed by your boss's so called futuristic eyes.

Here's a tip, take time out to smell the roses. Take time out to ask that colleague where she got those shoes from. Take time to personally verbally wishing a friend. These are the 'urgent' things that do eventually pay off.

In short, be human & enjoy life :)